Without You
by Colloso
Summary: When Hikaru begins seeing Haruhi a lot more than usual, Kaoru gets a little jealous and says things he doesn't mean. Horrible events ensue. Will the twins forgive each other or will their bond forever be broken? Twincest. Please R&R!
1. Prologue

**A/N: This is my first Ouran High School Host Club fanfiction I've ever written. I dedicate this to my friend Amelia, who helped me through the editing process when I felt like giving up. Thanks Amelia. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. If I did, I doubt I'd be writing this. **

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Without You: Prologue

You're gone. I miss you so much; you have no idea how hard it is…without you…. Why have you done this? Do you even know how much pain you've caused me? Do you even notice me anymore? Lately, you're always off with _her_. You used to tell me nothing would ever come between us, but then _she_ came. She was the only one we ever met (and probably will ever meet) who could tell us apart. As much as I don't want to admit it, that made me happy. Finally we were more than just 'the twins', we were individuals…we always had been, people had just never cared to notice. Have you noticed, Hikaru, how different we are? All the little details that make me Kaoru and you Hikaru?

I realized how happy she made you. As much as it hurt me, it made me happy. I was happy to see you smiling and laughing, even though deep down it was tearing me apart. Do you know how much of my heart died every time I had to fake a smile or a laugh? But it was all for you, Hikaru. It was worth it. I was happy to see you laugh like you never had with anyone else before, besides me. But it killed me to see you give her those smiles; those smiles that had once only been for me. All those times after school at the Host Club when we would 'act' for the customers, it was never an act for me. I wouldn't lie to you, Hikaru. But you lied, and it hurts. It hurts because I know that at one point, however long ago, you weren't lying. You had meant every word you said, even if you hadn't kept it.

The happiness I show to everyone is just a façade to hide the deeper pain you've caused. Don't you know me well enough to realize that I would never hurt you? Getting jealous or making a scene wouldn't make you happy. It would only disappoint you…no one expects me to make a scene, since I've always been the more mature twin. So, I keep it to myself. But it hurts that you don't even notice that something's wrong. We've lived together our whole lives. We're twins. I can always sense when something's troubling you. Then again, I always was the one better at controlling my emotions.

You used to tell me our love would never die; that nothing could ever force us apart. You lied. You lied about a lot of things, Hikaru. I've never lied to you – never. It hurts so much that I can barely stand it. I don't know what to do anymore…without you…. It's hopeless to think of living without you. I have to leave; to get away from it all. I have to escape the pain. I have to get away from her…from you…. After what I saw, there's nothing you can do to stop me. You've betrayed me. I'll always love you, but I can't forgive you.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading! I know this was extremely short and I apologize. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up by next week and I promise it will be much longer! Please review? **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yay, I finished this chapter sooner than I thought I would. I dedicate this chapter to K-May, because she's cool like that. Haha :)**

**Well, I hope everyone likes it… Please read and review? It would be much appreciated! **

**Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. :( **

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CHAPTER 2: WITHOUT YOU 

Hikaru Hitachiin stared absently out of the window, completely unaware of Haruhi's questioning gaze. It was raining hard, and it was dark. Not the ideal setting for the date he'd had planned. However, his mind was already occupied with other thoughts. As much as he wanted to enjoy this date with Haruhi, he couldn't stop worrying about his brother.

Kaoru had been acting rather odd lately. Usually, the two brothers would walk home after school together; but only recently Kaoru had been walking home by himself, without telling Hikaru. The first time this had happened, Hikaru almost had a panic attack. The other members of the Host Club had had to calm him down enough to point out that they had all seen Kaoru leave a while earlier. Hikaru hadn't noticed.

He'd never been separated from his twin for more than a few hours, but he'd always known where Kaoru had been. But this…this had terrified him. Not knowing where his brother was or if he was alright; that was the most frightening experience he had ever had in his entire life. And Kaoru laughed it off; but his eyes...they always confused Hikaru.

Kaoru's actions today simply confused Hikaru even more. It wasn't that Kaoru had approached his older brother and – though it took some persuading – convinced Hikaru to ask Haruhi out. No, that wasn't _that_ strange. It was the fact that there was something…changed about Kaoru, to say the least. Kaoru's eyes had given it away – they always did. Kaoru always was better at controlling his emotions; but Hikaru could always sense when something was upsetting his twin – it was all in his eyes. Except Hikaru doubted Kaoru realized how easily he could be read by his twin.

"Hikaru?" Hikaru was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of Haruhi's worried voice. "Are…you alright?"

Hikaru stared at Haruhi for a moment, before realizing she was speaking to him. He shook his head, blinking and trying to clear all thoughts of his brother from his mind. That wasn't important right now. Right now, he was on a date with Haruhi and that's what mattered at the moment.

"Uh…yeah, yeah I'm fine." He replied distantly, giving her a small smile.

"What were you thinking about?" Hikaru glanced around the quaint French-themed café that Kaoru had suggested, and then leaned in towards Haruhi.

"Just about how…cute you look tonight." Hikaru could see the slight blush on Haruhi's face and he could feel himself begin to turn red as well. He looked away, and smiled. He felt sorry for being so distant with her; he liked her, he really did. She made him laugh, and this was quite an accomplishment considering that he had only ever _truly_ laughed with his twin before meeting Haruhi. She made him feel important, like an individual. He was happy that she could tell him and Kaoru apart. Someone had finally noticed that they were different, and that meant a lot to Hikaru. He found it easier and easier to open up to Haruhi and tell her things he had never told anyone except Kaoru.

Hikaru sighed, looking down at his obscured reflection in the coffee mug held by his left hand. He marveled at how alike he and Kaoru looked, yet how uniquely different they were in comparison. Hikaru had always looked up to his younger brother, despite how odd that sounded. Kaoru was always so calm and composed about everything, and Hikaru really admired him for it.

Although Kaoru had acted like nothing was bothering him, Hikaru knew better. The problem was that Hikaru had no idea what could be troubling his brother. _What if something is really wrong with Kaoru and he tries to hurt himself? _The thought crossed Hikaru's mind before he could stop it, and he bolted from his seat. Haruhi gave a small gasp of surprise, but Hikaru didn't notice. All he knew was that Kaoru was the kind of person who kept everything to himself, and Hikaru didn't doubt that Kaoru might do something stupid.

Hikaru dug in his pockets and came out with a twenty, which he laid on the table. Without a second thought for Haruhi or the date, he dashed towards the door.

"Hi…karu?" Hikaru spun around, finding himself face-to-face with Haruhi.

_Oh…right_.

"Where are you going? We haven't even eaten yet…." Hikaru sighed, taking her face in his hands.

"Haruhi, I'm sorry. I'm having a really great time and I want to finish this sometime…but I can't right now. Something's wrong with Kaoru…I'm afraid he might hurt himself…." He trailed off, worry and fear all over his features.

Haruhi couldn't help but smile. All this time she had been worried that he was completely bored with her. She had been so confused, but now it all made sense. He had been worried about Hikaru. How sweet.

That's when what he was saying really sunk in. _'…I'm afraid he might hurt himself….'_ Hikaru stopped smiling immediately and nodded in understanding. "I can…come with you. If that might help…?"

Hikaru frowned, biting his bottom lip in worry and frustration then nodded. "Yeah…that would help a lot."

Haruhi nodded, taking his hand in hers and squeezing gently. The warmth of her small hand surrounding his suddenly made Hikaru feel much less worried and a little more confident as they left the restaurant.

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Meanwhile, Kaoru Hitachiin was slowly packing all of his belongings into a large suitcase resting on his and Hikaru's bed. He didn't really need to take all that much. Wherever he was going, (he wasn't exactly sure where) he'd have plenty of money to start all over again.

_Without Hikaru. _

The thought made him pause, and he almost began to unpack his things and re-think his decision; but he knew he had to get away. He had to leave. He couldn't stay here like this…. All the sinful thoughts he'd had about his brother…. He knew that if he didn't leave soon, he'd end up telling Hikaru the truth. And Hikaru would be repulsed…would hate him….

Kaoru returned to his slow process of packing. He took his time; he had a few more hours before he expected Hikaru to return. By that time, he'd be long gone. No one would be able to track him down either, since he hadn't (and wouldn't) tell anyone about his plans.

He felt a pang of jealousy stab at his heart as he thought of Hikaru and Haruhi…alone….

_Probably confessing his love right now_, He thought bitterly, laughing. His laugh sounded hollow and emptly, emotionless.

If they had never met Haruhi, none of this would have ever happened. They would still be inseparable; but now their bond was broken and it could never be the same.

Kaoru stopped packing, and sunk down onto the bed. He closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears, but they fell anyway. Embarrassed, he wiped them away and stood up quickly, beginning to pack faster now.

Now, he just wanted to leave and be as far away from this place as he possibly could by the time Hikaru returned. _Most likely with Haruhi_, Kaoru thought sadly.

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Half-an-hour later, Hikaru and Haruhi arrived at the Hitachiin residence. Haruhi had opted that they walk, claiming it was healthier and would help clear Hikaru's confused and worried mind; he agreed.

They hadn't talked much on the walk home. Normally, this would have annoyed Hikaru; but under the circumstances it didn't bother him much at all. They both had enough to worry about anyway. They were just glad to have each other's company.

They were silent as they walked through the front door and into the kitchen. Haruhi gave Hikaru an encouraging look and for the first time since they had left the restaurant, let go of his hand. He nodded.

"Kaoru?" He called out, trying his hardest to hide the worry and fear in his voice. He began walking past the dining room and into the hall. "Kaoru? Are you home? Kaoru!" Hikaru began climbing the stairs, Haruhi not far behind.

Kaoru froze at the sound of his brother's voice. As he heard Hikaru's footsteps as he walked upstairs, Kaoru began packing frantically. He had to leave before Hikaru saw him. He had to….

"Kaoru!"

There wouldn't be much time….

The door swung open with a bang, and Kaoru could sense Hikaru's presence in the doorway even before he saw him.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru's voice was full of confusion, as he watched Kaoru who was now trying to close the suitcase. Unfortunately, Kaoru had over packed and no matter what he did, the suitcase refused to close. "Kaoru…what are you doing?" Kaoru ripped open the suitcase and began flinging things out of it, until he could finally close it. "Stop it! Stop it, Kaoru!"

As he picked up the suitcase and turned towards the door, preparing to make a run for it, Kaoru felt a pair of strong arms tear the suitcase from his hands.

"Hikaru – move!" A wave of anger and frustration seized Kaoru, and he shoved Hikaru violently against the wall. "You shouldn't be here…why are you here? Why is all of this happening?" Kaoru was talking more to himself than anyone else, though he knew Hikaru had heard him. He yelled in frustration and ran towards the door, but Hikaru was already there blocking his only way out.

"I could ask you the same thing. Kaoru, what is this all about?"

"Nothing." Kaoru glared at his brother, then glanced past him at the door. If only he had packed faster, he could be far away from…all of this…. If only he hadn't have been such an idiot.

"Kaoru! Why do you always do this? For once, can't you just tell me what's wrong with you!"

"Hikaru…please. Don't make this harder than it has to be. Just get out of my way." Kaoru kept his voice calm, not looking directly at his brother. He thought that if he did, one of two things would happen. He would either completely blow up at his brother; or he would completely break down and confess everything. Kaoru couldn't let either of those things happen.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru took hold of Kaoru's face, forcing his twin to look him in the eyes. Kaoru tried to look away, but Hikaru refused to let go. "How can you just stand there and tell me nothing's wrong, when it obviously is?" Kaoru remained silently. "Now look me in the eye and tell me nothing's wrong."

Something snapped inside of Kaoru and he pushed his brother violently off of him. Kaoru had had it. He no longer had any control over his emotions.

"Hikaru, fine. You got me. Do you really want to know what my problem is?" Kaoru was now so far gone that he couldn't have stopped even if he had wanted to. "It's _you,_ Hikaru. It's you – it's always been you. You're always with Haruhi now and I'm always left behind…alone…." Kaoru's voice trailed off, his expression now turning from anger to pain, confusion and hurt. Tears formed in his eyes, but he blinked them away; he forced himself to look at Hikaru. "_I hate her_." His voice was low, but Hikaru could sense the malice in his voice.

"Kaoru…." Hikaru whispered, staring at his brother in complete shock. "Kaoru…please, no…." Kaoru glared at his brother with a look so intense that he doubted Hikaru would ever forget.

"Do you really mean that…Kaoru?" A small, sad voice came from the doorway. Kaoru could hear the hurt in her voice, but he didn't care. As Haruhi's figure appeared in the doorway, Kaoru's eyes widened in shock then narrowed in anger as he turned to his brother.

"What is this? What is _this_?" He pointed rudely at Haruhi. "First, you completely ignore me and don't even acknowledge that you're doing anything wrong. Can't even realize when something's wrong with your own twin?" Kaoru closed the distance between himself and Hikaru. They stood face to face, but Kaoru's intense glare made Hikaru look away. "Now…_now_, you bring her _here_. To _our_ room. To…to…." As much as Kaoru tried to stop it, the tears flowed freely down his face now.

"No! Kaoru…no!"

"Hikaru, I've had enough of your lies! JUST SHUT UP!" Before Kaoru even realized what he was doing, he felt his fist connect with the side of Hikaru's face.

Hikaru backed away in horror. He touched his cheek where Kaoru had punched him, and felt the bruise that surely had to be there.

"Kaoru…you punched me." He said slowly, dumbly. He looked over at his twin, confusion in his face. "Do you really hate me…that much, Kaoru?"

Kaoru was staring down at the hand that he had used to hit Hikaru with a surprised expression, then looked up into his brother's face.

"Hikaru…no, you idiot. I love you. And that's why I'm leaving." Before anyone could say anything else, he ran from the room leaving even his suitcase behind. It didn't matter anymore. He just had to get away. Tears spilled down his face and blurred his vision. He pushed past Haruhi, who was staring at him with a frightened expression. He ignored her and kept going. He flew down the stairs, passed the kitchen, and threw open the front door.

Kaoru could hear Hikaru following him, but he didn't care. He would keep running until he died if he had to, but he couldn't face his brother again…after what had just happened. He flew down their driveway, ignoring the calls of "Kaoru, wait!" behind him.

Kaoru paused in the middle of the street and looked behind him. Hikaru paused, and Kaoru saw that Haruhi was right behind him. "Just go away, both of you! I need to get away. Just let me go. Hikaru, I hate --" He screamed.

Kaoru heard the sound of tires screeching; he smelled the burning rubber. Kaoru felt something hard collide with his body, and he was pushed to the side. His head connected with the concrete.

Everything went black, but before he lost total consciousness, he heard a frantic voice screaming "Hikaru!" over and over again.

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**A/N: Mwahaha, cliffhanger! Umm, I hope everyone liked that. It actually turned out longer than I had expected. **

**Next chapter should be up soon.**

**Please review :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you to all my reviewers! I really appreciate it, and I'm glad you all like it so far. :) **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Ouran High School Host Club….**

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CHAPTER 3: WITHOUT YOU

Before he had even opened his eyes, Kaoru heard the low murmur of voices and the dull beeping of a heart monitor --

Wait, a heart monitor?

Kaoru's eyes flew open and he groaned: everything was white.

His head hurt. No, scratch that – his _entire body_ hurt.

"He's awake! Kao-chan's awake!" Hunny's unmistakable voice filled Kaoru's ears. It hurt. Every little noise made his head throb. The white, brightly lit room didn't help. Neither did all the voices of the other Host Club members. It also didn't help that his arm felt weird…it felt heavy and awkward.

Even through his pain, Kaoru realized that he could only be in one place: a hospital; but why? He couldn't remember anything that had happened after he had…

_Oh God. _

Hikaru. Where was Hikaru?

Kaoru winced and lost his train of thought momentarily as Tamaki yelled at everyone to keep quiet; then he heard Haruhi's voice telling everyone to get out. Surprisingly – or perhaps not so surprisingly – they listened. He sighed, glad that the room was finally quiet. Now he could think. Hikaru, what --

"Kaoru?" His thoughts were interrupted again by Haruhi. _Haruhi._ The last time he had seen her, he'd said that he hated her. That much he remembered. Of course, he had been lying. He had been jealous. Kaoru had let his emotions get the better of him; and although he wanted desperately to apologize , he couldn't stop himself from asking:

"Where's Hikaru?"

Kaoru could see Haruhi was uncomfortable with him asking this question. He frowned. "What? What's wrong? Where's Hikaru?" He demanded a little louder than he had to. That hurt too. Damn, why did everything have to hurt?

"Kaoru…Kaoru, I'm so sorry…." Haruhi's voice broke and Kaoru realized she had started crying. He couldn't speak. _Hikaru._ She came over to the side of his bed and took his hand. This was obviously meant as a comforting gesture, but it didn't help at all to settle the panic now coursing through Kaoru's entire body.

"Kaoru…when you ran…he followed…." She paused, taking a deep breath. "And…and…." Pause. Deep breath. "A car…it came out of no where…." Pause. Deep breath. "It almost hit you, but…." Pause. Deep breath. "He pushed you out of the way and – and…." She stopped and shook her head, unable to continue. Kaoru stared at her in horror. _Hikaru._

"HIKARU!" He yelled, before he could stop himself. He could barely breathe now; his body entirely filled with terror, panic, fear and many other emotions he wasn't quite sure of at the moment. Kaoru frantically tried to get out of the hospital bed, but a sharp pain stung his arm and he cried out in surprise, pain and frustration.

"Kaoru! Be careful," Haruhi cried out, her face streaked with tears. "You broke your arm…when he pushed you. You hit your head pretty hard too. The doctors think you might have a concussion." But Kaoru wasn't listening to Haruhi. He wanted Hikaru. He _needed_ Hikaru.

"Damnit, Haruhi! Where's Hikaru?" He yelled at her. Haruhi was lying…that had to be it. Either that or he was dreaming. This wasn't real. Hikaru couldn't be…

"No!" Kaoru yelled, tears forming in _his_ eyes now. "Hikaru!"

"Kaoru, stop it! Kaoru!" Kaoru was trying again, unsuccessfully, to climb out of bed; but Haruhi held him down.

"Then tell me where the hell Hikaru is!"

"H-he's…." Her voice was trembling. "…in a coma. The doctors don't know if…he'll be alright." The room was suddenly silent, as Kaoru stopped struggling.

_Hikaru. _No, no – not Hikaru. Not Hikaru – _his_ Hikaru. His beautiful, perfect Hikaru.

No. He wouldn't believe it.

"No, no. You're lying. You're just trying to get back at me…both of you…."

"No, Kaoru! No..." Haruhi shook her head helplessly. Kaoru knew he was being stupid and irrational (he was acting that way a lot lately) but he couldn't help it. He couldn't believe that Hikaru could be in a coma…. This was all Kaoru's fault. If it hadn't been for his own selfish desires, this might have never happened. If only Kaoru hadn't let his emotions take control of him. If only Hikaru hadn't been an idiot and pushed him out of the way…. How dare he? How dare Hikaru do this to his brother! Kaoru deserved to be the one lying in a coma right now, not Hikaru. This was Kaoru's fault, and now Hikaru might die.

No.

Kaoru forced himself to stop thinking like that. He looked up at Haruhi and he was again overcome with the desire to apologize, but instead asked:

"Where is…every one else?"

Haruhi wiped away her tears before responding. "I sent them out when you woke up. Hunny and Mori…are in the cafeteria. Hunny wanted cake…." She smiled slightly.

"Kyoya's talking to the doctor's. It's his hospital. Rich bastards..." She muttered. Kaoru could tell she was trying to cheer him up. Kaoru appreciated it, but her attempt was futile. "And Tamaki…he's talking to your parents. He's letting them know you're awake."

Kaoru frowned slightly. He didn't really want to talk to anyone right now, least of all his parents. The only person he wanted to talk to was Hikaru. Haruhi was watching him carefully.

"I'm sorry --"

She was cut off by the sound of Hunny's shrill voice (It still hurt).

"Kao-chan, Kao-chan! I brought you some cake!" Hunny held out a piece of cake. Kaoru forced a smile and shook his head. Hunny pouted, disappointed that Kaoru didn't want any cake. His face lit up again as he held out his beloved stuffed bunny, "Then you can hold my bun-bun!" Kaoru shook his head again, starting to get annoyed. Mori walked over silently and picked up Hunny before he could make things any worse.

Haruhi sighed, as Tamaki waltzed in and began (quite loudly and unnecessarily) acting obnoxious, as usual.

"I think Kaoru's tired. We should probably let him sleep." He heard Haruhi's voice over the ruckus and gave her a grateful smile.

He _was_ tired. So much had happened…in such a short time…. He needed to think. Kaoru turned away from the door, as everyone left. He sighed contentedly at the silence that hung over the room (besides the steady beeping of the heart monitor).

Then his happiness suddenly turned into despair. He was _alone_. He had never been separated from Hikaru for more than a few hours. Knowing that Hikaru was lying helpless and unconscious and alone in a hospital made Kaoru feel sick, especially since he blamed himself for all of this.

_Hikaru._

_I'm sorry. _

The last things he had said to Hikaru…were unforgivable. He wanted nothing more in this world than to be in his brother's arms right now. He wanted to apologize…to Hikaru, to Haruhi…. How could he have said all those things? What had come over him? It was so unlike him to lose control over his emotions.

_Oh Hikaru. I'm sorry. Please…please…. _

The tears flowed, and he couldn't stop them. He buried his face in his pillow, and he _cried_. He cried like he hadn't cried since he was a little boy. Only this time, Hikaru wasn't there to stop his tears.

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When Kaoru finally opened his eyes again, he could sense that he wasn't alone. He looked around and to his great relief the room had been dimmed, though his head still hurt.

"Haruhi?" He questioned drowsily, staring at the small figure in the uncomfortable-looking blue chair placed to the left of his bed.

"Hnn?" She had been asleep. Kaoru smiled. "Kaoru? You're awake?"

"What are you doing here? Were you here this whole time…?"

Haruhi shrugged. "I just didn't want you to wake up to an empty room. I thought maybe you'd…want someone to talk to…."

"Oh," Kaoru replied, a little shocked. She still wanted to talk to him after what he had said and done? "Uhh, thanks." There was silence between the two of them for a few moments, before Haruhi asked timidly:

"So, did you want to talk about anything…?"

"Uh…no. Not really, no."

"Oh." She sounded disappointed. Kaoru looked away. "Actually…" He paused, embarrassed. He hated apologizing. Of course, he didn't make as big of a deal of it as Hikaru. He still hated it. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Haruhi." He looked at her. "I didn't mean what I said. I was just…"

"Jealous?" She finished rather bluntly for him and he looked away, embarrassed again. "Kaoru…it's fine, really. I understand. You missed Hikaru." She sighed, stood up and came over to the side of the bed. She placed her hand on his arm; he looked up at her, surprised by how understanding she was being. "Look, if you really hated me, would you really have put up with me for so long?" She smiled at him and he returned the smile; this time he didn't have to force it, this was a genuine smile.

They both jumped at the sound of her cell phone. "Oh! Ah, hold on…." Haruhi dug in her pocket and pulled out her phone. She sighed, clearly annoyed. "It's Tamaki." She explained, rolling her eyes before answering.

Kaoru didn't pay attention to what she was saying; he was busy thinking of what she had said. How could she be so understanding? But then again…she was right. If he really did hate her, he wouldn't have put up with her for so long. Kaoru sighed.

"What an idiot…" Haruhi frowned, hanging up the phone. She sounded irritated. "Sorry…but I have to go. Tamaki's having us fitted for some idiotic costumes."

Kaoru frowned unhappily. So the Host Club was going to continue even though two of their members were gone….

Haruhi laughed at the expression of Kaoru's face, and he gave her a questioning look. "Don't worry, we're not continuing the Club without you guys. You don't actually think Kyoya or Tamaki…or any of us for that matter…would let that happen?"

Kaoru shrugged, "Then what's with these costumes?"

"Well, if I told you then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"

"Huh? No one said anything about a surprise…" Haruhi just shook her head and smiled.

"I need to go now. You know how Tamaki gets when someone's late."

Haruhi left before Kaoru could say anything else. Kaoru frowned in confusion, closing his eyes. As much as he wanted to know what this 'surprise' was, he was _tired._

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When Kaoru woke up again, he was alone.

_Alone. _

He hated being alone. He was so used to having Hikaru right by his side and now…he was _alone_.

_Hikaru…_

"I miss you." His voice sounded strange in the empty room, and he was gripped by an intense, sudden sadness.

He needed to see Hikaru. He couldn't stand being away from his brother anymore…

Kaoru grunted in discomfort and pain as he pushed himself up into a sitting position in the bed. He winced as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, careful of his injured arm. He stood up, his legs stiff and sore. How long had he been in that bed anyway? Kaoru frowned and began to walk awkwardly.

_Hikaru. _

All that mattered now was seeing Hikaru.

He was halfway across the room when he realized he had no idea what room Hikaru was in. Kaoru paused, then continued on. It didn't matter. _He would find Hikaru._

"Hikaru…"

Kaoru continued onward, out into the hall. Ah, it was bright. He had thought _his_ room was bright. But this…was simply unbearable. He grimaced. His head was throbbing so much he could barely think, but he continued down the hallway. Walking wasn't so hard now, but he stayed close to the wall anyway.

"Mr. Hitachiin!" Behind him, he heard a nurse begin to come after him but he ignored her. "Mr. Hitachiin! What do you think you're doing?"

All that mattered was _Hikaru._

_Hikaru. _

Kaoru began walking faster, hearing the woman behind him catching up.

"Mr. Hitachiin!"

"Go away!" Kaoru yelled, now nearly running. He was out of breath and his head felt like it was going to split in two, but he kept going. He turned a corner, then another and another until he was sure he had lost the nurse.

He leaned against a nearby wall for support, breathing hard. His body _ached_, but the need to find Hikaru was only stronger.

A voice from the door to his right floated down the hallway, and he couldn't help but listen.

"…are you sure this is him? Are you it's the one who hit Hikaru Hitachiin?" There was a pause in the man's voice and Kaoru crept closer to the room to listen better.

Hikaru.

Another voice and another man. This man sounded older, rougher. "Positive. It was a hit and run, but there were a handful of witnesses. This man, Yuu Tadao, is the only one who fits their descriptions. No one got the license plate number, but he has the same type of car all the witnesses described."

Kaoru backed away from wall in horror as the other man continued, "I feel so bad for --" But now Kaoru was running and he was too far away to hear anymore of their conversation.

_Hit and run. _

_Witnesses._

_Hikaru. _

Kaoru was running blindly. He had no idea where he was or where he was going.

_Hikaru. _

_Hikaru. _

_Hikaru. _

It was all his fault. He had to find

_Hikaru._

_Hikaru._

_Hikaru. _

Doors flew open as he past, but none of the patients was Hikaru.

"HIKARU!" He cried desperately, flinging open one last door to find

_Hikaru._

_Hikaru._

_"Hikaru…"_ He breathed, walking slowly towards his brother. It was Hikaru.

Hikaru looked so helpless, and Kaoru hated it. This wasn't Hikaru. This wasn't _his_ Hikaru. He wanted Hikaru. Kaoru knew he was being selfish…but he wanted his twin!

Kaoru began to cry silently, taking his brother's hand and caressing his face, his hair…. Hikaru's face was bruised and scratched and his left leg was bandaged, broken. Kaoru also noted he was wearing a neck brace.

"Hikaru…you idiot. Why did you do this? It should have been me…it should have been…."

Kaoru broke down, sobbing. He wished with every fiber of his being that Hikaru could be there, holding him, comforting him.

But he wasn't.

He was lying here in a coma.

_Hikaru. _

Suddenly, Kaoru was gripped by an unnatural, violent rage. Kaoru wanted nothing more than to meet this bastard, this person who had done this to his brother, and hurt him.

Kaoru would make Yuu Tadao pay for what he had done.

_Kaoru would kill him._

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**A/N: Well, I hope everyone liked this chapter. Next chapter will be up soon. Please review? **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Whoa, sorry this took me so much longer than the others to get up! My computer was having issues. –kicks computer- Anyways, thank you to all my reviewers and readers. :)**

**Disclaimer: I WISH I owned Ouran High School Host Club...ehh, but I don't. **

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CHAPTER 4: WITHOUT YOU

The door burst open behind Kaoru and the sound of that _annoying_ nurse's voice filled his ears.

"Mr. Hitachiin! Finally…I've been looking everywhere…for you…!" Kaoru turned around to look at her, and he noted that she was out of breath and leaning against the door frame for support. "Now come on." When this got no response from Kaoru besides a steady glare, the woman began to frown slightly out of exasperation and slightly out of uncertainty. She knew the Hitachiin's could be a troublesome pair, but had no idea how they acted when they were apart. "Mr. Hitachiin, please…!"

Kaoru ignored her and turned his back on her to face Hikaru again. Why couldn't everyone just leave him _alone_? Couldn't they see he just wanted to be with Hikaru? Kaoru could hear the nurse walking closer, slowly. He continued to ignore her. Now that he was here, nothing and no one could make him leave Hikaru. The nurse touched his arm, tentatively.

"Come on -"

Kaoru cut her off, pushing her away from him in a sudden, violent rage that was very unlike him. "Go away!" He yelled, moving away from her towards his brother in a seemingly protective gesture. He was breathing heavily. The nurse's eyes widened in shock and fear.

"Mr…Hitachiin…?" She backed away from him slowly, her eyes fixed on him the entire time. When she reached the doorway, she turned around and fled down the corridor. Kaoru could hear her footsteps receding down the hallway.

Kaoru frowned slightly. He doubted he was free yet; he was certain that nurse would go and get someone…a doctor, a security guard, someone. Really, why couldn't they just let him see his brother? Kaoru sighed, going over to the door and locking it. That would give him a little more time…to think. About everything. So much…had happened….

For one, he wasn't acting like himself. What was with these sudden, violent rages he found himself in more and more lately? It was only expected to be upset after all of this, but that just wasn't _Kaoru_. It was so unlike him that even he didn't understand.

Kaoru was gripped by sudden grief and longing; if he had Hikaru with him right now, everything would be better. But he was _alone_. If Kaoru had never been so utterly stupid, maybe none of this would have happened and they would both be at home right now, _together_. Even if Hikaru decided to be with Haruhi, at least Kaoru would know he was safe. Now…no one knew what was going to happen.

Kaoru caressed Hikaru's cheek gently. "Hikaru…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" He whispered into his twin's ear. "…please…come back…" Tears poured down Kaoru's cheeks, splashing onto Hikaru's hair and face.

Kaoru wasn't sure how long he stood there like that: hunched over Hikaru's bed and crying his heart out. Finally, he was able to stop; he didn't think he had any tears left in him anyway. His vision was still blurry from the tears and he wiped at his eyes, stood up straight, and turned away from Hikaru. He had heard somewhere that coma patients could hear when people around them talked to them and that it sometimes helped. Kaoru wasn't sure if he believed that, but decided it couldn't hurt to talk to Hikaru. "Hikaru…this is all my fault. I'm so sorry…this wasn't supposed to happen. Damnit, this wasn't supposed to happen!" Kaoru sighed and took a deep breath. "Hikaru…can you ever forgive me? What I did…" Kaoru paused. "…I can't even…I'm so _sorry_."

Kaoru glanced towards the door, and then back down at the floor. He felt stupid, standing there talking to his unconscious twin; it's not like Hikaru could even hear his apology. But at the same time, Kaoru felt just a little better. "I was being selfish. And I was being…jealous," He mumbled the last part, sighing. "I was being an idiot. I'm sorry, Hikaru. I'm so _sorry_, and I don't know what to do!" Kaoru felt the tears rise and threaten to escape and blur his vision again and he just _couldn't_ look at Hikaru. He felt so helpless, so useless. He walked over to the large, inviting chair next to the window and collapsed into it.

It was dark and stormy, so the landscape didn't help much to improve his mood. Not only was he in a hospital, not only did he have a broken arm and possibly a concussion, not only was the person he cared about most in this world in a coma, but it was _raining_ too.

It made him think of Hikaru. Kaoru remembered once when they were around five, Kaoru had been scared of the thunder and lightning. He had ran and hid under their bed, terrified. Hikaru had been looking and calling for him, but Kaoru wasn't able to answer because he was shaking so badly. Finally Hikaru found him, and he crawled under the bed with Kaoru. He didn't say anything, just held Kaoru close, letting him cry silently until they both fell asleep in each others arms. One of the servants had found them like that the next morning.

Kaoru smiled slightly at the memory, but it also filled his heart with despair to think that might never again be able to…

"Stop it." He told himself loudly, shaking his head vigorously. No, he wouldn't think like that. "No." Hikaru was going to be _fine_.

"Kah…ruu?" Kaoru turned around so fast he got whiplash. Hikaru. Had Hikaru just…spoken? Although the voice had been barely a whisper, Kaoru was certain it had been Hikaru.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru rushed over to his twin's side. "I'm here, Hika-chan. I'm here." He took hold of Hikaru's hand and repeated those two words over and over again. He hoped that maybe this was a sign that Hikaru was going to wake up soon; but nothing happened afterwards to indicate that Hikaru had even spoken, let alone would wake up soon.

Eventually, Kaoru gave up hoping. Instead, he was filled with that unexpected intense, burning anger and hatred towards that person who had done this to Hikaru. Through his sadness and longing for Hikaru, he had forgotten all about Yuu Tadao.

Suddenly, there was a loud pounding on the locked door and the sound of a slightly frightened, slightly angered woman, "Kaoru! Open this door, open it right now!" Mrs. Hitachiin.

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**A/N: Hnn, sorry this is kinda short. I thought it was a good ending point for this chapter. **

**I hope everyone enjoyed it, and next chapter should be up sooner hopefully. As always, reviews would be wonderful. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry about the short-ness of the last chapter. This one should be longer. And as always, thank you for all the lovely reviews. :)**

**And I apologize ahead of time for any OOC-ness. **

**DISCLAIMER: Nope, Ouran's still not mine. **

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CHAPTER 5: WITHOUT YOU

Haruhi was annoyed, to say the least. Hikaru was in a coma, and poor Kaoru was all alone and probably scared and confused and missing his brother.

Tamaki had call them here for _this_?

Yes, this was all a good idea and a nice gesture, but couldn't it all wait for a more appropriate time?

Honestly, Tamaki was an _idiot._

The Host Club (minus Hikaru and Kaoru of course) was gathered in the Third Music Room, listening to Tamaki rambling on and on. Mori and Hunny were sitting on a couch a few feet away from where Haruhi now sat. Kyouya sat at a table nearby, typing on his laptop. Haruhi doubted anyone was actually paying attention to Tamaki.

"Senpai…" Haruhi paused and sighed, as Tamaki complained that no one was listening to him. "Senpai, SHUT UP for a minute!"

Tamaki cringed, then pouted. "Mom, tell Haruhi to stop yelling at daddy."

Kyouya sighed, not glancing up from his computer, as Haruhi retorted, "You're not my daddy."

Tamaki cringed again and went to sulk in the corner.

"Kaoru is all alone in that hospital, and still all you can think about is yourself." Haruhi glared at Tamaki, acting a little harsher than she had planned.

"Mooom -"

Kyouya finally stopped typing long enough to look over at Tamaki briefly, "How long do you plan on calling me that? Besides, Haruhi's right Tamaki. This could wait for a better time."

"B-b-but…!" Tamaki was shocked, and he went back to sulking again.

Haruhi rolled her eyes, and jumped slightly as her phone rang.

"Hello…he what?!...yes, of course." Haruhi paused to listen to the person on the other line. She hadn't noticed that every pair of eyes had turned towards her. "…we'll be there." She hung up slowly.

"Haru-chan…?" Hunny looked at her questioningly from his perch on Mori's shoulders when she didn't say anything.

"That – that was Mrs. Hitachiin. She said that Kaoru…" She paused, shaking her head. It didn't make sense. Haruhi thought Kaoru was the more rational twin. She wouldn't be surprised if Hikaru had done something like this, but…. "He's locked himself in Hikaru's room and…won't let anyone in."

Everyone stared at her blankly one moment, then they all rushed out of the school the next.

-------------------

Kaoru didn't respond to the incessant knocking on the door.

"Kaoru! Open this door _right now_!" His mother's voice came through the door. He frowned. His mother was angry, and he would probably be in trouble later; but he wasn't going to leave Hikaru…

"Mr. Hitachiin," It was a new voice. A man. Probably a security guard. _Shit._ "If you don't open this door, I'm afraid we'll have to break it down." He could hear his mother crying in the background, "Kaoru!"

Kaoru needed to think fast. He needed to fix this, he needed to get revenge, he needed to kill…Yuu Tadao….

But how? How would he find this man, when he had no idea where he was or even what he looked like? Kaoru shook his head. He didn't have time to think about this. He just needed to _do it._

"Kaoru!" A new voice, this one he recognized. Haruhi. "Please, open the door! This is stupid."

"Kao-chan, please." Hunny.

"Kaoru, think about what Hikaru would say." Tamaki.

Kaoru didn't have time to respond. Within thirty seconds, he heard a gruff voice yell, "Move aside!" And then heard something slam against the door with a loud thud. The door fell crashing to the floor. Clearly, the doors in this hospital weren't very durable…

Three very large (much larger than Kaoru) and tall men entered the room. They all wore a deep, forest green color uniform which read 'security' across the front and Kaoru presumed the back as well. One had a mustache, one was bald, and one had a beard. They all wore dark sunglasses - though Kaoru couldn't understand why - and they all had guns in their belts.

_Guns_. Kaoru eyed the guns, his spirits lifting. If only he could get close enough to grab one and run…he could get revenge.

"Mr. Hitachiin, I'll have to ask you to please come with us." The man in the middle, the bald one, said not unkindly.

Kaoru began walking forward, head down, acting as if had given up. "Come on, son…it's okay." As Kaoru approached, the bald man lay his hand on Kaoru's shoulder. Kaoru frowned.

In a blink of an eye, Kaoru had screamed, "No!" then lunged forward and grabbed the gun out of the guard's belt and backed up, holding it out in front of him. "Get back…I-I'll shoot." Kaoru had never actually held a gun before, let alone shot one, so he was relying on his vast movie knowledge to get him through this.

The guards began to walk forward. Kaoru cocked the gun, and they all stopped. "I'm not kidding." He held his hand on the trigger, but it was hard to aim the gun straight because he was trembling so badly from both fear and excitement.

"Kaoru!" He heard about eight people gasp in unison from the other side of the door, and he heard a woman burst into tears. His mother. He felt horrible for doing this to her, but couldn't she understand that this _had to be done_?

"NO!" He screamed again, louder this time, as he raced passed the security guards and plunged through the crowd right outside the door.

He heard them all calling after him, and it brought back painful memories of Hikaru chasing after him…

They were following him. Damnit, why were they following him? He ran passed countless doors and shocked hospital staff. He even saw a few patients. He didn't care. He just needed to get out of the hospital and away from all these people, then he could think. Then he could begin his search for Yuu Tadao, and finally get his revenge.

There…ahead of him. There was a large glass door leading outside. Even through all the commotion behind him, he could hear the rain splattering on the building all around and now he could see the huge raindrops splashing on the doors in front of him.

Then he pushed full-force into the doors and swung them open. He was outside. Kaoru paused momentarily to look behind him. Damn, they were still following; but thankfully he was well ahead of them now. He continued running, not sure where he was going in this rain. He could barely see two feet in front of him.

Now he was in the hospital parking lot…now he was on the sidewalk…now he was in the road. He could hear the cars driving all around him, but he didn't stop or slow down. If he got hit, then he would get no less than what he deserved. But he didn't. He reached the other side of the street, and found himself in the wet, muddy grass. He paused, out of breath. He didn't know how long he had been running - it seemed like hours - but he was _tired_.

"Kaoru! Kaoru! Stop running, please!" These shouts had followed him the whole time he'd been running. He knew they were still following him, but the cries were faint now and he figured he had some time to rest.

Then all too suddenly, an arm shot out at him trying to grab him. Kaoru cried out and began running again, this time faster and paying absolutely no attention to where he was going. "Go away!" He shouted again, though it came out as nothing more than a whisper. This all reminded him so much of what had happened between him and Hikaru, right before Hikaru was hit. He knew anyone who was following him was fine. He would know if one of them had got hit, but he couldn't help but feel even more guilty. Maybe he should just give up on revenge and turn around after all…

Kaoru tripped and fell. The mud splashed all around him, and he lost his grip on the gun. He landed on his broken arm, and he screamed in pain; but he couldn't give up. He _couldn't_. He struggled to get up, but his foot was caught on something and his hands kept slipping in the mud whenever he tried to sit up. Shit, now they were going to catch him for sure.

"Kaoru…!" He struggled to crawl away, digging at the mud ferociously now. He couldn't let them catch him. No, no, no. He had to get the gun, at least. He searched frantically all around him, but to no avail.

He felt strong hands grip his shoulders and turn him around. "Kaoru…why are you doing this?" He found himself face to face with Tamaki. Tamaki's hair was wet and falling into his eyes, so Kaoru couldn't see his expression. But if he could, he would see that Tamaki was furious.

"Tamaki-senpai, please…let me go." He said it weakly, trying to get away. But Tamaki was older and stronger and Kaoru was just so _tired_.

"No, Kaoru! What's wrong with you? Why are you doing this?" Tamaki shook him, glaring down at Kaoru. Kaoru couldn't take it anymore, and he burst into tears.

"Hikaru…I…revenge…all my fault." Kaoru mumbled barely audible, nonsensible words.

Tamaki's eyes widened in shock. "Kaoru…" He began slowly, his tone slightly kinder now. "No one blames you for this. It's _not_ your fault -"

Kaoru shook his head. "It _is_…it _is_ my fault."

Tamaki shook Kaoru by the shoulders again, this time more forcibly. "No, Kaoru! No. Think about what Hikaru would say…if he saw you like this."

Kaoru shook his head. He didn't want to think about Hikaru would say. He would be so disappointed. "I'm…sorry…" He mumbled, still crying, but he had stopped trying to get away. He was sorry. He was sorry for always disappointing Hikaru, he was sorry for being so weak, he was sorry for causing all of this…

Tamaki frowned, but didn't say anything else. "Come on…let's head back." He gently hauled the younger boy to his feet, and let Kaoru lean on him.

They didn't say anything else for a while, both lost in their own thoughts.

"Thank you." Kaoru said suddenly, no more than a whisper. He wasn't even sure if Tamaki had heard it, but Kaoru meant it. They were progressing slowly, since Tamaki had to support him.

"Where's everyone else?" Kaoru asked a while later, making sure Tamaki could hear him this time.

"I told them to go back." Tamaki grunted, and neither said anything the rest of the way.

When they finally reached the hospital, Haruhi and Kyouya and Hunny and Mori and his mother and a dozen other people he didn't know, all rushed out to meet them.

"Kao-chan, Kao-chan!" Hunny cried, as he launched himself at Kaoru, hugging him.

"Kaoru," Haruhi said slowly from his right. Kaoru looked over at her, and noticed she had an odd expression on her face. He gave her a questioning look. "Hikaru's awake."

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**A/N: Mwahaha, cliffhanger. I'm evil. **

**A few things.**

**First, this is NOT a Kaoru/Tamaki story. It's all Kaoru/Hikaru. But I thought it would be nice for them to have a touching moment together to show their _friendship_. **

**Yes, I know the idea of Kaoru trying to kill someone is probably OOC. But I also think that if something like this actually happened, he would realize that it was mainly his fault that Hikaru's in a coma and he would probably want to blame it on someone else…and Yuu Tadao is allowing him to do that.**

**Oh, and it wasn't thundering…it was just raining, so that's why Haruhi wasn't scared, in case anyone was wondering. ;) **

**This didn't turn out as long as I had planned, but I hope everyone liked this chapter, and reviews would be grrrrrreat. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the long-ish wait for an update. I've been pretty busy lately.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran. The end. **

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CHAPTER 6: WITHOUT YOU

"Hikaru's awake."

Haruhi's voice ran through Kaoru's head like a whistle, loud and piercing.

Hikaru _was awake. _

Before anyone had a chance to say anything else, Kaoru was gone. He was running through the hallways again, everything all too familiar. Except –

"Damn, I don't know the room number…." _Shit._ Kaoru slowed to a walking pace and looked around him. He had no idea where he was, or even what floor he was on. He noticed that most of the room numbers he passed were in the five hundreds. It was only a coincidence that he had found Hikaru earlier, and he cursed himself for not even so much as looking at the door number.

Kaoru glanced around, thinking.

Did he really want to see Hikaru _right now?_

To be honest, no.

Well, of course, he wanted to see Hikaru; but he wanted to think about…some things, like what he would say; and he really didn't want to be found by anyone.

Kaoru's wandering eyes finally found a door without a room number. Upon closer inspection, he saw that it was a bathroom. It was the perfect place he could hide. It wouldn't seem extremely suspicious if anyone found him there either.

He walked over to the bathroom and luckily, the hallway was completely deserted, so he slipped inside unnoticed.

Once inside, he simply stared at his reflection. It was so weird. He looked so much like Hikaru, but on closer inspection, there were so many ways they looked nothing alike. He wondered how people got them confused so often.

Kaoru sighed, and shook his head.

How could he possibly apologize to Hikaru?

And how could he ever live like this…without ever telling Hikaru his true feelings: that he loved him as more than a brother, more than he should.

Hikaru would reject him, hate him.

And Kaoru would _die_ – he would just _fall apart_ – if Hikaru ever hated him.

Although, Kaoru thought bitterly to himself, he probably already does.

Why couldn't Hikaru have a better twin? One who didn't have all these sinful feelings? One who was stronger and smarter and wasn't selfish… Hikaru deserved a better twin...why didn't anyone realize that? Kaoru just wasn't good enough.

All that really mattered was if Hikaru was happy, right?

As long as Hikaru was happy, Kaoru would be happy…but Kaoru didn't deserve to be happy. After all, Kaoru had sent his brother to the hospital in a coma –

"Oh God, it _is _too late." He spoke to his reflection, and he could see the look of disgust on his face in the mirror. Hikaru already hated him; he was sure of it. How could he not hate him knowing what he'd done?

Kaoru couldn't face it. _He couldn't. _

Kaoru frowned at his reflection and struck out his good arm at the mirror. It shattered, and Kaoru hissed in pain as blood poured from his hand into the sink and onto the floor. Carefully, he bent down and picked up one of the shards. This…this was what he deserved. To be in pain, to suffer for all he had done.

------------

Hikaru groaned. There was activity and noise all around him, and he could barely think.

_Where am I? What's going on?_

"Kaoru!" The image of his twin came to mind almost immediately.

"Hold still!" A voice from above told him, and he felt someone try to hold him down. Hikaru blinked, and a man in a white coat came into focus. A doctor. That meant he was in the hospital, or some kind of demented scientist was conducting an experiment on him. He seriously doubted the latter.

And that's when the memories came flooding back. Kaoru, running into the street. The car coming straight towards him. Hikaru pushing him out of the way. The screech of the tires. A sharp pain. And then…nothing.

"Kaoru!" He screamed again, this time louder as he struggled to get out of the man's grasp. "Kaoru!" Was Kaoru alright? Where was he? Why wasn't he here?

"Sir, please calm down."

"Where's Kaoru?"

"I don't know…but please, you need to calm down." The doctor frowned down at the Hitachiin and whispered something to one of the two nurses behind him. She nodded and came forward, holding Hikaru's left arm down. She grinned down at him. It was so incredibly creepy. The other nurse came into view then, holding a large needle. Hikaru struggled harder.

"NO! Kaoru!!" The nurse plunged the needle into his arm. It didn't hurt, though he screamed. He continued to struggle, but everything was getting blurry…it was harder to see, it was harder to move. "Kaoru…" He whispered, and he saw the nurses still grinning at him. Hikaru shuddered, as he closed his eyes once again and fell into a deep sleep.

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Kaoru grimaced, but not completely from the pain. He grimaced at his own sick, twisted mind and he smiled. The pain…he actually enjoyed it. He laughed. A bitter, warped laugh.

What was wrong with him? Why was he enjoying this? He knew it was wrong…

He wondered what Hikaru would say if he knew.

Kaoru shook his head and looked around. It was a mess. Glass littered the floor, stained with his blood.

He took some paper towels from the dispenser, wet them, and began to clean up the blood from his arm when it had finally stopped flowing. He figured it wasn't worth his time to clean up the rest. What good were janitors if they didn't have a job anyway?

Kaoru tried as best as he could to cover up the scratches on his arm with his hospital gown, though it didn't help all that much. Ah, well. It would have to do. He left the bathroom slowly, making sure the corridor was still deserted. It was.

Now, he had to find the others. Or Hikaru's room. Whichever came first. He still didn't really want to face Hikaru, but he knew he had to. Kaoru couldn't avoid him forever.

"Kaoru?"

Kaoru spun around, to find -

"Haruhi."

"What are you doing down here, Kaoru?"

"Just looking for…"

"Hikaru?" Haruhi finished for him as he hesitated. Kaoru nodded, making sure to keep his right arm covered. "Well, come on. You're on the wrong floor. After the whole incident earlier, Kyouya said they moved him to the third floor so you wouldn't be able to find him. But it _is _Kyouya's hospital…so of course, you'll be able to see him."

"Oh."

Haruhi frowned slightly. "Are you okay?" Kaoru nodded, smiling cheerfully…a little too cheerfully.

Haruhi frowned a little more, but didn't say anything. She began to lead Kaoru towards the elevator by his arm, and he didn't have time to pull away before she noticed. She gasped, as she saw the deep gash in his arm.

"Kaoru…! What…happened to your arm?"

"Oh…I, um…I fell earlier."

Haruhi paused in thought for a moment. "But I didn't see any blood -"

"I fell." He repeated firmly. Haruhi gave him a worried expression, but decided to drop it…for now. She led him over to the elevator and when one was available, they got in. They were alone. Haruhi pressed the button for the third floor, and glanced at Kaoru.

"Kaoru are you sure…?"

"I'm fine." Kaoru gave her another false smile, his arm hidden again.

"Kaoru…that cut wasn't there before." Haruhi's eyes bore into Kaoru's until he looked away. "You know I'm your friend. You can tell me anything."

"I know." Kaoru refused to look at Haruhi again, and then whispered, "Please don't tell Hikaru about…any of this."

"Kaoru…"

"Please." Haruhi didn't reply, and both rode the rest of the way in silence.

When they got off, Haruhi turned right and they continued to the end of the hallway. Kyouya was outside of room 1545, talking with a doctor, and writing in his notebook as usual.

"Kaoru…there you are. No use going in now…Hikaru's sleeping. When he woke up, he got frantic and the doctor was forced to give him medication to sedate him."

Kaoru frowned. "Well, make them wake him up again!" He knew he was being irrational and childish, but despite everything, he _really_ missed his brother. "This _is_ your hospital isn't it?"

"Kaoru…" Haruhi put a hand on his shoulder, but he pulled away.

"Please calm down, Kaoru." He jotted something into the notebook, and then glanced at Kaoru. "I can't just demand these doctors to wake up a patient because a visitor wants to see them. The doctors here have enough patients to worry about…"

Kaoru glared at Kyouya. "Feel free to go in though. Your mother is already in there." Kaoru was gone long before Kyouya had finished. He entered the room, and smiled briefly at the sleeping form that was his twin. It was then that he noticed the figure hovering over Hikaru's bed, crying silently.

"Mom?" The woman turned around, startled.

"Kaoru!" She ran over to her son and hugged him fiercely. She pulled away and looked at him with worry and confusion all over her face. "You scared me earlier. Why…did you do that?"

"I'm sorry Mom," Kaoru gave her another of his fake smiles, but it worked. "I guess I was just…scared. I acted really…stupid. We've never really been separated before." Kaoru nodded over towards Hikaru, who was sleeping peacefully. "Kyouya-senpai said Hikaru was awake, but…"

"When he woke up and you weren't there…" Ms. Hitachiin shook her head and Kaoru nodded. She wiped away the tears on her face, and then gave her younger son a reassuring smile. "I guess I'll leave you two alone then. The doctor said he should wake up soon…"

Kaoru nodded, gave her a hug and watched as she left. "Hikaru…" This scenario seemed all-too-familiar. As much as he didn't want to confront Hikaru about _that _or anything that had happened, he still wanted to hear his voice, feel his touch…

"Kaoru…" Hikaru's voice was barely a whisper and it sounded…different, but there was no mistaking it was Hikaru. Hikaru's eyes fluttered open, and found Kaoru's. They stared at each other for what seemed like hours.

"Hikaru…" Tears formed in both twin's eyes as they embraced gently.

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**A/N: I hope everyone liked that. It's definitely not my favorite chapter though and it was short. I apologize.**

**It took me forever to write though, I've been so busy lately. I'll try to update sooner. Reviews would be greatly appreciated, as always. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: First, I AM SO SORRY it has taken so long to update. I've been EXTREMELY busy these past few weeks with projects, essays, tons of work, plus personal problems…blah. Plus the fact that I haven't really been motivated. XD **

**THANK YOU so much to all the readers and reviewers who have read this far, I really do appreciate it. I would have wanted to give up a long time ago if it hadn't been for you! Thank you!! Now, on with the story…. **

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Chapter 7: Without You 

Days passed. The minutes and hours blended into one other, until Hikaru wasn't sure how long he had been sitting in that damn hospital bed, unable to move. Nurses and doctors entered the room periodically to check his vitals; all the while, that incessant beeping noise haunted his dreams. It felt like an eternity that this endless cycle continued; but eventually, Hikaru was pronounced well enough to be let out of the hospital.

His neck still wasn't completely healed and his leg was still sore; so, just to be safe, his parents hired a nurse to look after him for a while. She was old and wrinkly, with white hair and a scrunched up face. She reminded Hikaru of one of those dogs…a pug. Whenever she talked, Hikaru could barely understand her gibberish, so usually he just smiled and nodded and she would normally go away after a bit.

His parents had stuck him a dark, cramped room in their mansion that Hikaru hadn't even known existed. It had obviously never been used. There were cobwebs in every space imaginable; and a layer of dust covered everything about an inch thick.

But even that wasn't the worst of it.

His parents came to visit him at around five o' clock each evening, though Hikaru didn't bother to ask anyone how long he'd been locked up in this damn room. Sometimes Haruhi, Tamaki, Hunny, Mori or even Kyouya came to visit him; though that was scarce.

But that wasn't the worst of it.

None of those people really, truly mattered. The one person that meant more to him than life itself, Kaoru, never – not once – came to visit him after he had first awoken.

The worst thing of all…was being without Kaoru for so long. Where his twin was, he could only guess. He understood that Kaoru had school, but was he actually going to the Host Club without him? And even if he was, he couldn't even find the time to come visit his _twin_? Not once. If it had been the other way around, Hikaru would be by Kaoru's side constantly.

As Hikaru lay in his bed all day, memories from that night floated through his head constantly, and he couldn't get rid of them.

"_It's you – it's always been you."_

"_I hate her."_

"_Now…now, you bring her here. To our room. To…to…"_

"_Hikaru…no, you idiot. I love you. And that's why I'm leaving."_

Hikaru didn't understand what had made Kaoru snap. Kaoru had said he was leaving because he loved Hikaru. That made no sense. Then, right before the car came, Kaoru had said: "Hikaru, I hate --" and got cut off. He was about to say he hated Hikaru. Why? Did he actually mean it?

What had he done to make Kaoru hate him? Kaoru was his baby brother…he would never consciously hurt Kaoru.

Hikaru was alone.

He had never been alone before in his life.

…Kaoru had left him _alone._

How could he…?

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Kaoru stared out of the open window, the breeze blowing his hair gently and cooling his face.

It had been two whole weeks since he had been to see Hikaru.

Did he feel guilty?

There wasn't a minute that passed by that Kaoru didn't feel guilty; he longed for his brother with every fiber of his being. He had never been away from Hikaru this long, and it hurt him so much. But Kaoru just couldn't – _couldn't_ – face Hikaru. He felt the separation was good for them.

Of course, Kaoru had visited Hikaru when he first woke up, but then – after that, he just couldn't bring himself to go see him again.

He just felt so guilty. It consumed him, and he knew he should apologize. But he just didn't know how.

It was funny. Hikaru was his brother, his twin, his best friend. They confided in each other and cherished each other more than anyone else in the world.

So, why couldn't he do this, when it mattered so much?

Was their bond breaking?

Was it now so weak that Kaoru feared it would shatter if he did face this?

He laughed – a cold, heartless laugh.

"Kaoru?" He turned around. Haruhi. Shit, he'd forgotten. He was sitting in the corner of the Third Music Room; and he'd been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realize the others were still there.

She came over and sat next to him. "Are you alright?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Just…a little tired."

"Maybe you should go home. You really shouldn't be here without Hikaru -"

"I'm fine!" Kaoru replied more forcefully, paused and sighed, then replied more calmly, "I'm fine. Really. I have to do this."

"Are you sure?" Kaoru nodded and stood up. Today was the first day Kaoru had felt brave enough to face the Host Club…alone. Previously, he'd just had his driver pick him up immediately after school. The other members never even had a chance to ask him about it…though, even if they had the chance, he doubted they would ask him to come without his brother.

"WEEEEEEEEEEELCOME…to the HOST CLUUUUUB!" Tamaki's voice boomed a few feet away from them. Kaoru and Haruhi looked up in shock, but quickly recovered as their customers entered.

Soon, Kaoru was surrounded by a group of annoying, giggling girls.

"Kaoru-chan, you're here alone today?"

"Where's Hika-chan? Is he alright?"

"Is your arm okay, Kaoru-chan?"

He was bombarded with idiotic questions, and it was so unbearable that he nearly lost it. What was with all of these questions about Hikaru? Of course, he should have expected it. But still…how the hell was he supposed to know how Hikaru was? It's not like he'd seen him in oh, almost three weeks!

Damn. He was a coward. What was he supposed to tell these people? That he was a heartless bastard and that he didn't even go to visit his _twin_. Was he supposed to confess to them that he was too much of a damn coward?

Kaoru groaned. He had a headache.

"What wrong Kaoru-kun?"

"Nothing, I um just don't feel good so…I'm just going to go."

Before anyone could answer, Kaoru made his way through the crowd of customers, leaving without looking back. When he got outside of the Third Music Room, he leaned his body against the door and sighed. He frowned, whipped out his phone, and called his driver to pick him up in the front of the school. Kaoru slowly walked outside. It was a nice day, but the heat from the sun combined with the day simply made his head hurt even worse.

He climbed into the limo when it stopped in front of him and rode in silence as he had grown accustomed to in the last few weeks. He missed Hikaru next to him so much…. If Hikaru were here, they would be laughing… If Hikaru were here, he would be happy… If Hikaru were there, it would be so much easier…

When they finally arrived, Kaoru scrambled from the car and ran straight for his room, without any delay.

What exactly had Kaoru been doing every day after school to pass the time?

How had Kaoru been handling all of this?

Drinking. Yes, _drinking_. His parents didn't know about it. Nor did any of the maids or butlers who worked for them. Or at least he didn't think so. Even if they found out, he didn't care. As long as Hikaru never knew.

He kept a stash of drinks hidden under the bed just for such occasions. Whenever he wanted to forget…he slid under his bed (he was really skinny after all), took a drink from the carton…and he drank his troubles and sorrows away. He drank and drank until all of the painful memories of Hikaru went away.

This day was no different. Careful of his still-broken arm (though it was healing quickly), he crouched onto the floor, crawled under the bed, and took a bottle from the carton hidden away under his bed. He untwisted the cap, threw it back under the bed and took a sip of the alcohol. _Perfect._

The only thing that was different this time was that he couldn't forget. Or, at least it was taking a hell of a lot longer than usual. He took another long drink, but still…Hikaru's face and voice found its way into his head and just _wouldn't go away!_

"_Stop it, Kaoru!" _

"_Look me in the eye and tell me nothing's wrong." _

"_Kaoru…you punched me…" _

"_Do you really hate me…that much, Kaoru?" _

"Go away…" He muttered weakly, fighting the tears. He lifted the bottle to his lips and drank desperately now. _Please, please…let me forget…._

When he was finally so drunk that he could barely stand and had to sit down on the bed, he couldn't take it anymore. Hikaru just wouldn't go away!

"GO AWAY!" Kaoru screamed and threw the now-empty bottle against the wall, where it smashed into many sharp, small splinters of glass. The shattering sound it made reverberated inside his head and caused an enormous headache. "Ow…" Kaoru groaned and rubbed his head fiercely. When that only made it worse, he stood up (or at least, tried to) and took a few steps. "Aspirin…" He muttered weakly. He needed something for this damn headache; but his feet were so wobbly and his head was so cloudy that he just couldn't walk or think clearly. He tripped over his own feet, and fell heavily to the floor.

He thought of Hikaru. What would he think if he saw Kaoru like this?

He would be disappointed, that was for sure

That's all Kaoru was to anyone; a disappointment. The tears formed in Kaoru's eyes and they splashed to the floor. "Hikaru…" He crawled over to the pieces of glass on the floor from the bottle and began picking them up, tears spilling from his eyes. When he had gathered them all up, he put them in a little pile on the floor…he would get them later…. He was too tired now and could barely sit up. He didn't even have the energy to cry anymore, and he laid his head down on the floor. Not the most comfortable position, but it would work for now. Before he knew it, however, he felt a wave of nausea come over him and he lifted his head to the side and vomited. He groaned in pain and disgust; then, suddenly, his head fell back to the ground, unconscious.

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**A/N: Hmm, well I hope everyone enjoyed that. Please please please review. You'll make my day. :)**

**Next chapter will be up sooner, I promise!!!!!!!!!**


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